It’s General Election time, and as apathy sweeps the nation, we here at Buongusto thought we would give you a brief guide on what’s happening and who is running. So pour yourself a cup of our delicious Italian coffee, sit back, and enjoy.
Voting isn't massively fashionable at the moment. After all, in today’s busy modern world, it’s asking quite a lot. You have to slog your way to your local town hall or school (look at the little chairs!) and, like an illiterate medieval peasant, put your mark next to a name that you neither recognise nor care about. Because, let’s be honest, you’re only really voting for the leader of the party, not your local nameless, faceless MP. Blair was voted in because he’s fit, Cameron took the reins because he isn’t a Scottish robot. Now he’s going for a second term, but he faces some limp competition. Let’s take a look at what each party has to offer using the only analogy our editor will let us use: coffee.
We had a long hard think about this one, and the only coffee-based drink we can compare David Cameron to is Earl Grey. Yes, we know, Earl Grey is tea, not coffee, but Mr Cameron has a more refined palate. Coffee is what the working class drink, isn't it? Maybe, but at least it doesn't taste like irradiated pond water, Dave.
A weak Americano, no milk. Though built on strong ingredients like good ground Arabica coffee, this has been diluted until it is an unrecognisable brown shadow of its former self. It is the kind of drink you take a few sips from and then leave discreetly on a colleague’s desk. Ed is head of a party that used to fight fiercely for the working people of Britain. Now he’s leading the charge against sausage roll taxes. Watery and disappointing.
A big, frothy cappuccino with extra syrup. Looks nice, smells even better, taste likes betrayal. A thick, milky cup of regret that leaves you feeling nauseous and doesn't deliver any of the delightful things it promised.
Of course, if none of the above can woo you, there are plenty of other parties to choose from. Some are better than others: unfortunately the BNP are still around, although we know they hate coffee because it’s brown.
There’s the delightfully named: Say Yes! To a Fair Society! Party whose branding team decided they needed to make things clearer halfway through coming up with their name.
If you don’t like them, why not try the 30-50 Coalition Party? We don’t know anything about what they stand for, but we imagine it is some kind of Logan’s Run style thing where you have to be within the party-approved age limit to be a member (What happens on your 51st birthday?!).
There is even the catchily titled Justice for Men and Boys (and the women who love them) Party, who have tried desperately to include everyone in their unwieldy name, but have missed out girls! Classic J4MB(+wwlt)!
All of these might sound silly, but this election is gearing up to be one that is decided by the fringe parties. Parties like UKIP, the SNP, and the Greens could all have big hammers to wield come Friday morning.
Whatever the case, Thursday is going to be a long night, and we’re here to help.
Have a look at some of our products and see if we can get you through to Friday morning.